So, it’s been a long time since I have blogged about anything art. And, there’s a good reason. Because I haven’t done much having to do with art. Since Reveal/Conceal in fall of 2008, I have been struggling. Other than a few commissioned portraits, I have produced nothing. I have cancelled shows. I have avoided the studio.
Now, a few things have contributed. A nasty economy means art sales decline (in my case, um, they disappeared). Especially when you paint large-ass oils of odd things. I couldn’t make myself paint something more appealing “to the masses” so I went out and found a “real” job. I have a background in technical sales, so I was lucky enough to be hired at an IT recruiting firm; by far the nicest people I have ever worked for. And, I took a freelance job writing artist bios and critiques (positive only) for an art website. All of these money making endeavors have kind of sucked the creativity out of me (or at least the drive to actually make art - unlike writer’s block, I have plenty of ideas...just no impetus to do them) and lessened considerably the amount of time I have to actually paint.
And, then there’s another element I’m not sure I truly understand. I had been putting all the Reveal/Conceal images out for grants, residencies, etc. and was turned down for every last one of them. I was talking to a fellow artist about my disappointment at the most recent rejection and I said - outloud - “it’s like I am looking for someone else to approve of my work so that I can approve of it.” Yowza. Epiphany.
I had a show scheduled in March and had decided to do flowers in my signature style. For the following reasons:
They sell.
I had a bunch that were not finished, so I wouldn’t have to do as much work to get ready for the show, since I had procrastinated horribly and was now under a severe time crunch to get it done.
All compelling reasons, I know. Notice there was no YEN, URGE, NEED to paint these flowers. So, it won’t be a surprise that when I stood in front of the easel, I COULDN’T paint. Finally, competing elements of business versus creativity confronted each other...and the result was a complete stand-still on my part.
This was when I gave myself permission play. More on that later.
2 comments:
Liz...this is AWESOME that you are grabbing the feeling and dealing with it. I am so glad to see you blogging again. Fighting the nagging in your head about what you can do vs. what you wish to do vs. making it happen is energy sapping. I've seen your fits and starts and it's happening....be good to yourself. And thank you for sharing the journey. It's always beneficial for the rest of us to know we aren't alone when inspiration isn't enough. Can't wait to see where your work takes you next.
Liz,
I agree with Adele completely - I'm delighted to see you noticing what's going on. First step to moving through it, for sure!
I'm so looking forward to seeing what new direction you go in once you decide it's OK to play! Have fun!
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